Eric Cartman And The Cheesy Poof Factory
by Fry 4000
Summary: Chapter 4 finally up - Chapter 3 updated - After hearing of a contest where you can win a trip round the chessy poof factory Cartman does everything he can to try and win it
1. A Contest

(Inside the Cartman house)  
  
On the cauch the fat little nine year old boy called Eric, better known as Cartman was watching Terrance and Phillip on the T.V while eating chessy poofs.  
  
(T.V)  
  
"Say Phillip can u check my ass for termites" Terrance asked  
  
"Sure thing Terrance" Phillip responded  
  
(Phillip checks Terrance's ass and Terrance farts)  
  
"Oh i got you" Terrance says and starts laughing  
  
"You sure did Terrance" Phillip responds  
  
"Now you smell like my ass" Terrance says and starts laughing again with Phillip laughing along with him  
  
"Terrance and Phillip will be right back, after a word from our new sponsor"  
  
"Hello, as chairman of the chessy poof factory it is my proud duty to anounce our new competition for one lucky winner and four friends of there choise will get a grand tour of this very chessy poof factory here in Colorado, just buy our specially marked pack and find the golden poof and your our winner, good luck to everyone  
  
(Back to cartman)  
  
"Dude, ..... i gotta win this" Cartman says to himself and starts running off to the supermarket  
  
(At supermarket)  
  
"Oh man where's the trollys"  
  
Cartman goes to look for the trollys eventuly finds them with an old couple in frount of them  
  
"So where do you put the money in to get these out" the old guy said  
  
" I dont know, why they have to make these new changes anyway, not like the old days" The old lady responded  
  
By now Cartman was fed up  
  
"Goddammit get the fuck out my way" Cartman shout as he pushs the old couple out the way and grabs a trolly and runs into the store  
  
"Now where are the chessy poofs" Cartman thinks to himself and after going down a few isle's he finally spots them  
  
"There they are" Dashs over there and put all the bags in the trolly and heads for the checkouts  
  
"finally i made it" Cartman says happily to himself that he has all the chessy poofs giving him a better chance of winning  
  
"Ok that will be $451.25 please"  
  
(Cartman puts his hand in his pocket) "Oh fuck, wait here ill be right back" (Runs off)  
  
(Cartman house)  
  
(Struggling to breathe) " Mum, Mum (Shouts) Mum  
  
"What is it poopie kynds" Mrs cartman replies  
  
"I need some money to buy chessy poofs"  
  
"but sweetie i gave you $300 for your computer just yesterday"  
  
"But mum i need it to win the chessy poof contest (starts his temper tantrum)  
  
"Ok here you go"  
  
"Oh thanks mum, (Under breathe) Ha always works"  
  
With that Cartman runs back to the store  
  
(At Supermarket)  
  
"Oh man the human body was not ment for this" Goes to the checkout  
  
"Im back, and i got the money"  
  
"Thanks kid"  
  
"Sweet"  
  
(Cartman house)  
  
(Cartman is stuffing his face)  
  
"Oh man, just this one packet left (Opens pack and eats it but does'nt find the golden poof) Oh goddammit (Shouts) mum we need more chessy poof now" (Forgetting he has brought them all)  
  
"But grocery shopping isnt untill friday plus i have no money untill tomorrow"  
  
"God dammit"  
  
(Next day)  
  
Cartman, Stan,Kenny and Kyle are at the bus stop  
  
"I hate these quick weekends" Stan says  
  
"I know dude, it's just like we only finshed for the weekend yesterday" Kyle responds  
  
(To Kyle) "What wrong with him" askes Stan (Points to Cartman)  
  
"What you talking about" Kyle replies  
  
"Have you not noticed that he has'nt insulted you once today"  
  
"Yea, but he's probably just doing that so i go up to him ask whats up and then he insults me, and im not falling for that again"  
  
(Butters turns up)  
  
"Hey fellas" Butters greets  
  
"Hey butters" Stan and Kyle reply together  
  
"Did you see the comerical after Terrance and Phillip yesterday?" Butters asks Stan and Kyle  
  
"No" Kyle replies  
  
"I usually go to the kitchen for snacks during the breaks, why what was on?" Stan replies  
  
"The chairman of Cheesy poofs made an announcement that one lucky winner plus four friends will win a tour of the cheesy poofs factory"  
  
"Hmmmm" Kyle starts thinking  
  
"Yea i remember my mum coming home from the supermarket yesterday saying some crazed kid brought all the cheesy poofs" Stan imforms butters  
  
"Hmmmm" (Kyle's still thinking)  
  
"Wow really" Butters replies  
  
"Yea some fat kid"  
  
"Ah ha" (Kyle yells) "i finally got it"  
  
"Got What" Stan asks  
  
"The answer to my math problem"  
  
(Stan smacks his head)  
  
"Dude don't you see this all adds up to Cartman acting so weird this mourning"  
  
"So who cares" Kyle replied  
  
(The bus arrives)  
  
"Hurry up were running late" Yelled miss crabtree  
  
"You always say that you fat bitch" Stan mutters to himself  
  
"What did you say" Miss crabtree shouts at stan  
  
"I said i have a really bad itch"  
  
"Oh me too" (Continues to drive the bus)  
  
(Classroom)  
  
(Mr Garrison is teaching the class maths)  
  
"Ok children were gonna start by going through last nights math problems, now who can tell me the answer to question one 6 x 4, Stan  
  
"24" Stan answers  
  
"Very good stan Butters answer to question 2 please 7 x 3"  
  
"21"  
  
"Good butters"  
  
(Mr Garrison continues to go through the movie)  
  
(Later)  
  
"Ok children now im gonna give you some more maths problems to do at home so just copy them off the blackbored.  
(Thinking) Strange Eric usually always does something when my back is turned whats he up to (Turns round) Ah ha  
  
(All the children look at him)  
  
"Cough Cough, get back to these math problems"  
  
(Bell rings)  
  
"Ok class dismissed" Mr garrison says  
  
(All the children leave)  
  
(Canteen)  
  
(Kyle, Kenny, Stan, Cartman and Butters are eating lunch at the table)  
  
(Cartman Thinking to self) "I must win this contest, i have to go to the cheesy poof factory, but how the whole of South Park is sold out of cheesy poof, which means ill have to go to the next town over god damn this pussy ass town"  
  
"Guys come quick i found the golden cheesy poof" Stan yells  
  
(Cartman jumps out of his seat) "lemmie see"  
  
"My bad, its just a real one"  
  
"It sure would be great to go to the Cheesy poof factory, i bet it's real neat their" Butters says  
  
"Its just a contest dude" Kyle says looking bored  
  
(Cartman tiurns to Kyle) "Just a contest, Just a contest (Shouting) Its more than just a fucking contest it's a once in a life time oppertunity to take a tour of the cheesy poof factory, there will probably never be another chance like this again."  
  
"Calm down dude" Stan says tring to restraine Cartman  
  
" (Cartmans still shouting) Calm down, how can i be calm when there is some asshole out there who might win my right to visit the chessy poof factory.  
  
"Your so stupid Cartman" Kyle insults cartman  
  
"That does it screw you guys im going home"  
  
"Cartman we" But stan gets intirupted by Cartman  
  
"i said Screw you guys home"  
  
There we go all re-written.  
  
So will Cartman ever find the Golden chessy poof?  
And what will he do if he dont?  
  
Find out next time.  
  
Note: Anyone who wants me to re-write Surivior: South Park please contact me as i currently have no plans to do so. 


	2. The Golden Cheesy Poof

(Cartman House)  
  
(Cartman's on the couch looking angry)  
  
"God damnmit where is she" Cartman shouted angrily even though he was the only in his house, he had sent his mum over to west park to get some cheesy poofs, well not exactly just sent more like Cartman squeling until he got he's way as usual and Mrs Cartman given into him as usual.  
  
It had been almost an hour since she had left, and of corse Eric was getting impatient, this was like the most important thing to him in the whole of this week, maybe ever, and he would do anything he could to get it.  
  
"Sweetie im home" Mrs Cartman called out lovenly  
  
"Ugh about time" Cartman responded not even bothering to thank her, not that he ever does anyway, Mrs Cartman just sighs and heads to the kitchen.  
  
With that Cartman jumped into the pile of cheesy poofs that were left there, which was about a hundred or so, and without hesitating proceeds to eat them.  
  
(Later)  
  
After about Fifty bags or so Cartman is finally feeling the strain, unusually for him that has to be said  
  
"Ugh so full but so many bags left" He mutterd to himself "No shake it off Cartman remember whats at stake here" He reminds himself of the prize and continues to eat.  
  
(Later)  
  
"What the hell" He shouts after finshing the last bag, and no golden cheesy poof in site " This is bullcrap... Mum" He shouts  
  
"What is it sweetie" She responds "

I need more cheesy poofs" Cartman demands "

But i just brought you a load an hour ago"

"But mum i didn't find the golden cheesy poof" Cartman replies in his pathetic squeky voice

"But the stores are closed now" Mrs Cartman replies hoping this would shut him up

"God dammit" Cartman moans before stomping up the stairs

(Mourning, At bus stop)

"I wounder where Cartman is this mourning" Stan says wondering

"He's probably just bunking again you know how much he hates P.E" Kyle responds

"Or maybe he's gotten so fat he cant fit through his frount door" Kenny says in his muffled voice, Stan and Kyle laugh at the comment

"Hey fellas" Butters says arriving at the bus stop

"Hey Butters" Kyle,Stan and Kenny say together "I see no one has won the cheesy poof contest yet"

"Who care's, whats the odds of winning this contest anyway" Kyle Responds

(The Bus Arrives)

" Hurry up were running late" Miss carbtree shouts at the boys

"Everyday you show up and say we're running late, so next time why don't you just come earlier" Stan shouted as Miss Crabtree

"Sit down" Miss Crabtree shouted back at Stan

"Whatever you fat bitch" Stan mutters "What did you say"

" I said im real tired"

"Oh me to"

(Later at lunch)

"Oh man what a boring day" Stan moans

"I know, sometimes i wonder how much Mr Garrison really knows" Kyle responds

"Hey fellas" Butters runs up to the guys all excited

"What is it Butters" Stan asks

"I found the golden cheesy poof" Butters says even more excited

"What, no way" Kyle responds in shock

"It's true, look" Butters takes out the golden cheesy poof

"Lets see it Butters" Stan asks

"Sure" Butters responds and gives Stan the golden cheesy poof After a while of looking at it stan bites it and finds its solid

" Holy shit it is the golden cheesy poof"

"Told ya, so you guys wanna come?"

"Sure" Stan,Kyle and Kenny respond together

"Aw neato" Butters responds and walks off

"I thought you said this was stupid" Kenny says to Kyle

"Yea, but how often does the chance to do this come"

"Whatever"

(After School)

Butters is walking home alone

"I cant belive i won" Butters says to himself merrily skipping along "I cant wait to see the cheesy poof factory its gonna be so neato" Again speaking to himself but stopping suddenly "What's that?" Butters looks at the floor "A quarter" Butters goes to pick it up "Ugh it's stuck"  
Butters says to himself not noticing and mystreouis figure behind him, and with one swing hit him on the head with a metal object.

(Later)  
"Where am i" Butters says to himself

"Bout time u woke"

"Cartman" Butters shouted "is that you"

"Why yes Butters" Cartman responded in his scary voice he does "You see Butters, i have reason to beilive you have the golden cheesy poof "

"Eh yea i do" Butter replies nervously

"Well Butters, i can make this real easy for ya"

"What do you mean" Butters asks

"You can either tell me where the golden cheesy poof is or i can leave you here forever"

"But Cartman, i was planning to invite you anyway" Butters replies still nervous

"Really?" Cartman replies

"Yea"

"Oh, well forget everything i just said then, goodnight Butters" With that Cartman walks off

"Er Eric could you let me go now....Eric....Eric.... Oh im stuck huh"

Chapter 2 finshed there maybe some mistakes as im writting this at 2am (cant sleep) So it looks

like Cartman is off to the cheesy poof factory, but will he remember about Butters?

Find out next time


	3. Dreaming Of winning

Chapter 3

(Outside Cheesy Poof Factory)

"Well hello there im mike chairman of the cheesy poof corporation let me be the first to congratulate you on winning our contest, i bet your real excited ain't ya kids"

"You bet your fucking ass we are" Cartman replied excitedly

"Ok then, now if i may just see the golden cheesy poof we can start the tour" Mike said

"Oh sure Butters has it" Stan Said

"I sure do" Butters replied happily and went into his left coat pocket and then his right followed by his trouser pocket "uh oh"

"uh oh what? Butters" Kyle asked

"I cant find it" Butters said panicking

"You gotta be kidding me" Cartman shouted "You must"

"Im telling you i cant find it" Butters replied even more panicky

"No it cant be" Cartman said close to tears "Wait i got it. Mike

"Yea" Mike replied

"We don't really need to show you the golden cheesy poof do we" Cartman said with a pleading look on his face

"Of course you do kid other wise anybody could just say they won"

"No no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

(Cartman house)

"Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Cartman screams sitting up in bed sweat dripping off his forehead and breathing heavily

" Oh man it was just a dream it was just a dream" Cartman said to himself relived then rested his head back on his pillow and went back to sleep

(Bus Stop)

"Hey fags" Cartman said to Stan, Kyle and Kenny as he arrived at the bus stop

"Why are you so happy today Cartman do they have a buy on get on free sale on all pop tarts at the supermarket" Kyle said causing his friends to laugh

"Aye" Cartman responded angrily "If you must know Butters said i could go to the cheesy poof factory with him"

"Bet that makes you happy fat ass" Kyle insulted

"Aye shut your god-damn Jew mouth or i will kick you in the nuts" Cartman replied angrily

"Speaking of Butters where is he?" Stan asked

(Cartman basement)

Butters is still where Cartman left him last night tied up in his basement singing to himself

"A million bottles of beer on the wall a million bottles of beer you take one down and pass it around nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall"

(Bus Stop)

"Im sure he's just late" Cartman said obviously forgetting hr forgot to let him go

"Not like it matters" Kyle said

(School)

Mr Garrison is teaching geography

"Ok children can anybody tell me where Rio is located" Mr Garrison asked and a few children raised their hands

"Yes clyde"

"Cuba"

"Ok now from someone who's not a complete dip shit, Kyle"

"Brazil" Kyle answered

"Very good kyle" Mr garrison said

"Very good Kyle" Eric said making fun of Mr Garrison

"Eric do you have some sort of problem?" Mr Garrison asked

"No"

"Well then stop it" Mr Garrison demanded

"Now the next question can anybody tell me where Berlin is located. Wendy

"Germany" Wendy responded

"Very good"

"Germany" Eric said trying to immatate Wendy

"Mr Garrison tell him to stop" Wendy pleaded

"Mr Garrison tell him to stop" Cartman said again immateting wendy

"Eric i will not have you disrupting my class" Mr Garrison shouted a Cartman

"Yea" Wendy shouted

"Oh shut your face you fat bitch" Cartman shouted at Wendy while the rest of the class were just shocked

"That's is Eric to the principals office now" Mr Garrison shouted

"God dammit"

(Cafeatiera)

"Hello children" Chef greeted

"Hey chef" They all responded together

"What's for lunch today chef" Cartman asked

"Calm down tubby" Kyle said

"Aye"

"Well today is Sausage and Mash day" Chef responded

"Kick ass" Eric replied happily "ill have a double helping please chef"

Chef give Cartman his food " So how all you little crackers doing then"

"Were good chef" Kyle replied

"Yea Butters won the golden cheesy poof contest and he's taking us" Stan spoke

"Well that sounds great kids, where is Butters anyway"

(Cartman Basement)

"Six hundred and forty three thousand nine hundred and twenty two bottles of beer on the wall Six hundred and forty three thousand nine hundred and twenty two bottles of beer you take one down and pass it around Six hundred and forty three thousand nine hundred and twenty one bottles bottles of beer on the wall

(Cafeitera)

"He never showed up this mourning either" Kyle said " He's probably just sick"

"Well when you see him tell gives him congract from me ok" Chef said

"Ok" Stan replied

"Ok now move along your holding up the line" Chef said and hurried the boys along

(After School)

Everyone is at Stan's house

"Im gonna beat you Jew boy" Cartman taunted

"No way" Kyle replied

They were on Stan's computer playing a racing game when the phone rang a few moments later Stan's mum came into the room

"Boys" Sharon asked

"Yea mum" Stan responded

"You boys haven't seen Butters today have you?"

"No he wasn't in all day. why?

" That was his mum on the phone and apparently he nerve came home last night"

"What" All four boys shouted at once

"He never came home"

"Oh fuck i knew i forgot something" Cartman said just realising what he had done

"What Cartman" Stan asked

"Err no time i gotta go" Cartman said then dashed out the door

(Cartman Basement)

" Two hundred and seventeen bottles of beer on the wall two hundred and seventeen beers" Butters song was interrupted by Cartman dashing into the basement

"Butters" Cartman shouted out of breath

"Eric you returned" Butters said relived

"Yea" Cartman replied and let Butters out "See ya Butters

"Thanks Cartman


	4. Dreams Are Just Dreams?

(Outside Cheesy Poof Factory)

"Well hello there im mike chairman of the cheesy poof corperation, how can i help you boys?"

"Were here for the cheesy poof tour" Cartman replied excitedly

"Im sorry kids that should have been yesterday"

"What" Cartman shouted

"How can it be? The ticket says the 21st" Kyle said

"And it's the 22nd today" Mike pointed out

"So it is" Stan said looking at his watch with the date on it

"This can't be happening" Cartman panicked

"Im sorry kids, to show you were not harsh please take these one cent off cheesy poofs coupons" Mike said

"You can shove your coupons up your ass" Cartman shouted, and stormed off

"Look Cartman, it's not exactly the end of the world" Kyle said

(Crying) " My whole life... my whole life was built up to this moment... and now it's gone"

"You'll always have me Cartman" Kyle said, and started to rub Cartmans back

"Yea i suppose" Cartman replied sadly "I love you man"

"I love you too Eric" Kyle replied

* * *

"Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Cartman screams sitting up in bed sweat dripping off his forehead and breathing heavily 

"My god, gotta warn Butters... and kill kyle" Cartman muttered to himself, then quickly got dressed and dashed out the house.

(Bus Stop)

Stan,Kyle,Kenny and Butters are waiting at the bus stop

"You guys" Cartman screamed, who was still about a hundred meters away from reaching them

"Is that Eric?" Butters asked the others

"Well nothing else is that fat, so it must be" Kyle replied

"You guys" Cartman shouted again, who was still about seventy meters away from reaching them

"Man, i ain't seen Cartman run like that since blueberry pies were on offer at the shop" Kenny said. The others laughed

"What is it Cartman" Kyle shouted, as Cartman was still to reach them, and didn't reply until he did.

When Cartman finally had his breath back he gave Kyle a quick glare, remembering about the end of the dream he had, before speaking.

"Tell me, when are we going to the cheesy poof factory?"

"The 21st" Butters replied

"Please tell me it's not the 22nd"

"No Cartman, it's only the 19th" Stan replied

"Thank god" Cartman said with relief "Wait a sec, do you remember where you put the golden cheesy poof Butters" hoping his first dream was all false as well

"Er well it's in my room Eric, safe and sound on my table" Butters replied

"Cartman whats wrong with you?" Kyle asked

Cartman gave Kyle another quick glare, apparently still not ready to forget that part of the dream "Nothing Kyle, nothing"

* * *

Six months without activity, has it really been that long? Anyway im hoping to start updating regualy again and write some new stories. i know this may be a little short as well so don't hate me for that 


End file.
